He looked down into the illuminated darkness from the eleventh floor and saw humanity for what it was by virtue of the interruption of the tendrils that were displaced by housing units and the asphalt corridors between them. The ghostly orange lights like fireflies told the tale.
“We are but fleas . . “, he remarked to himself in the overwhelming quiet of the night.
But what exactly were fleas? What was their purpose, if any? Was not the earth a massive living organism that flew about the heavens like a phylum of bacteria? unseen in the scale of so much more vastness yet to large to be properly apprehended by all it’s unimagined inhabitants. The shift in scale did not seems to diminish the palpability of existence. Yet it did reinforce the insufferable quality of eternal loneliness.
He thought of the numbers, “357.” How ironic it would be if this simple combination of numbers so long employed as his own sense of aggressive embodiment would soon be the time of his own death. His own father had died 13 minutes short. He went in the other room facing West and looked up ad the partially illuminated globe of the moon.
“Why did they say that staring at it would drive men mad?”, he thought to himself. It was not the object but the boundless sense of space around it that it inferred.
He realized that he had only his crisis to thank for any courage he had to offer the unending insoluble chaos of his life. Had he made a confession that required the need to think twice and ponder? No. The terrible tension within was now but a heavy gum rubber band annoyingly displaced behind his eyes. A sense of useless pressure like a pebble in the shoe that one has the alternate sense to pick out or simply just ignore. The promise of its reduction to triviality like any other headache that would soon unceremoniously pass opened a door a crack back into a version of himself that had not been visited for a very long eon of time. A spatial feeling of emptiness all around him that by its realization invited something marvelous from its surrounding infinity. Possibility!