As with most stories that pretend the artifice of presenting an extraordinary tale on behalf of the author’s aspiration to a relatively jaded and indifferent public who no doubt have heard it all before, the day commenced with little promise of anything of merit likely to be possible. Possibility at this juncture in the current trend of a continuation of the distortion of the cosmos to suit the narrowed spectrum of human vanity only definable in the defeat of every once reasonable expectation. The second day of that arbitrary juncture of the new year when the vector of the earth once again changed into a free fall to the sun suspending what one could have normally expected and redefining it into one of one’s worst fears. Or, even worse, an incessant multiplicity of same. Things that might have degenerated to a certain sense of morbidity taking on a bizarre twist.
Case in point, after having been drawn into travel within a snowstorm for the frivolous reasons of returning an item that was a key element in an irrelevant act of impotent rage brought on by the customary transgression of a multi-national corporation, I found myself darting into approaching traffic with barely enough traction to command a short amount of distance before a snow plow. Turning down a poorly plowed side street through the extended parking lot of other cars haphazardly poised on either side heading every point of the compass, an individual heading unsteadily across my horizon into center stage brings my vehicle to a sliding halt. This clown-like routine of half steps upon a slippery asphalt culminating in a perfectly executed prat fall backwards flat upon the back. The relative level of effect of this occurrence upon the performer seemingly negligible when measured against the person’s primary malady of being wholly inebriated or alternately within some form of diabetic shock.
This initial act begging the obligatory engagement of the car being thrown into park and the emergency flashers engaged. Staying within the true spirit of the times of verbally offering assistance without committing to any definable action, the driver’s side door being opened and loudly put offers of third party assistance voiced. Lawsuits and their frequency being what they were, a wise and appropriate action. The actor taking center stage not defaulting easily to the role of potential victim or alternately as suspect catching the drift that the random dialing of the fatal three number sequence of 911 might end up in unexpected visitations to unwanted destinations motivated enough to continue on the path of inertia by first rolling upon his front within the snow covered slush and then crawling on all fours in a ballet of slow motion.
This infamy visited on him within universal public view seemingly humiliating to a level of extremes until as if beset buy the pernicious whims of the very same Gods of the ancients is struck by a further indignity of having his pantaloons dragged fully off and down to his knees exposing his arse to any and all. No longer a victim of conventionalities in a frenzy to avoid capture this awkward Pierrot continuing at a remarkably incremental pace ensuring that all who would have wished otherwise would have a more than ample period of time to take in such amicable details as a wads of toilet paper hanging stuck between his oatmeal white buttocks. A form of justifiable punishment enacted upon those who had the bad manners to have by solitary chance alone found themselves a captive audience within this absurd situation.
The fruition of this pantomime coming with the dropping of the pretense of any caring for an easy escape past that unfortunate into the anonymity of a building garage.