[Originally written 11/1/2015]
The last day of Indian Summer succumbed to the cold as the light of the Sun dissipated into evening. Try as he might the old man sat in the twilight of his apartment ad tried to rustle up of as many anecdotes of his experiences that he could. The number was surprisingly small. He knew that much like his father before him he would relent to a few old hackneyed incidents that were easily memorable if nothing more for the fact they had been recollected and shared so many times previous. A sense of helpless frustration arose within the shadows about him as he felt another pang of guilt for the offhanded way he had treated his own ‘old man’ when he was locked in a similar cycle. The callousness of his own shortsightedness stung him bring both nostalgia and the closest thing he had to imagining how his old man’s expressions must have appeared at the time.
It had been a year and a month of coming home to total solitude. Nothing lively beyond the expectation of some fixin’s to fill an otherwise empty stomach. The mental commerce with the same was ever the same. A tug of war between a sense of complacency and a particularly annoying habit of indulgence in emotions of loss that by anyone’s standards had become far too long in the tooth. The setting may have perfect for such endless soliloquy’s but there was no one in the audience beyond himself to appreciate too many seasons of the same droll performance. The mentality hung on like a case of the ‘grip’. Sure there was a lot to be discovered during reflection at this latter stage of life, “but why dwell on it for Christsakes?”
The morning just beyond seemed equally lit. The funny thing about its glow being one of hopefulness as opposed of being significant of irresolution. What was the difference? The immediate juxtaposition of a habit of seeing both from the same viewpoint, one turned exactly opposite from the other? A strange phenomena that despite one’s best guess remained mysterious. We as a species are all enthralled by that same mysterious lantern that beams its brightness out into the seeming void endless space. The sum of all colors! Energy with a purpose to bring clarity to a realm of undiscovered possibility. A vast edge running throughout where one encountered the other within the chaos of unfathomable destiny. How perfect the rise and fall of back and forth of one substance interacting with the other insubstantial trading places in the mind as sometimes material and then ethereal. The only continuum in this residing in the human mind in an underlying need for maintaining that fiction known as stability. The biggest mystery of all being, “where in the hell that quality of mind originated?”