(I’m asleep) My mother and I decided we were going to stop at a restaurant on the south side. Actually, it was just me. I went in there and I had a drink. And then again, she went in there and had a drink. They tried to charge her for more than the drink she gave them a twenty. And they wouldn’t give her any change back. Actually, I think it was a ten. So she ended up she made a stink about it. In the meantime I went into the kitchen and got a box of potato chips out. I was waiting while she was talking. In the end we walked out. They got about an extra two or three bucks. And we got the potato chips. Then we went in the car to a small no actually a large store. And she wanted to go in there and get a top. I don’t know how she phrased it? But a top that will fit anybody. Because she was big and her size was an extra large large or something.
A group of friends. Some of them younger. We go to this convention. Kind of a strange place really? We have to go by plane? Or something like that? I don’t think I had the bread or something? Maybe I was in drive? I don’t know? Could be in California? It was a distance. But we show up there. No, it was not actually in California! It was in some small city nearby. Like a Milwaukee or a Rockford or something like that? Anyhow, we show up and it’s in an old convention warehouse that must be from the ‘forties’, ‘thirties’ or ‘forties’. An old ‘cow’ palace. And we walk up the stairs and the exhibits are supposed to be really? It’s supposed to be like a museum of different things they had there. Like all these cheap models. Now granted, they’re not the real ones. But there’s models of all sorts of like old? Well, ships and planes and stuff. And then they have other kinds of . . . ? Well, what? What could they be? Oddities! Things that are half merchandise, half strange circus subtractions on the midway. All along the edge of the dusty and empty type of ‘uh’? Type of ‘uh’ warehouse. Int he middle they have like what looks like clothes that they picked up from the Salvation Army. But they’re approximate clown clothes. And people are going about their business going to get stuff. I don’t really have any money so I’m just looking. And I wend my way around and I’m running out of exhibits fast in terms of (being) pretty much there. It’s more like a swap meet or something. I go in the next room it’s dressed like again another clothing store or clothing concern set up more like a store. The guy inside tries to merchandise me. It’s conversational but really he wants to sell me something. And I excuse myself and I get out of there. Kind of an underwhelming experience.
(persistent song echoing somewhere) “One of those little things that people know about me, could not be final, could not make a fool out of me!”
There was a place down the street in this little town that ‘uh’, well, they were going another gymnasium type place, I don’t know? Actually, another place all together. And so a young girl, I and a few other people sitting in the kitchen. And at one point she pointed out the back door and said, “You should look at that!” I looked and I pushed my face against her cheek. It felt nice and soft and she sang a little song. Sitting there thinking back to an old friend of mine to his sister. And she was young and awkward and had a crush on me. But I wasn’t having any of it. I always wondered what happened to her? She was such a strange little thing! Always very silly, but very cute.
(continues to echo) “One of those little things that people know about me, could not be final, could not make a fool out of me!”
(awake) That’s what we sang in the old town. I walked down the street to another place. Again to the kitchen. She was wearing pink. She was wearing pink and you could tell! When I pushed against her face, I pushed against her. She felt so nice and warm. That’s what makes someone want to cuddle and put their arms around somebody. Boy! That’s a long lost feeling for me. How sad?
(speech) “It looks like a gray very unpromising day today. And quite frankly, it reminds me sitting here in Lindberg park near the Soccer field of the time when my families’ company was on Forest and North. And not having many friends, having returned from Seattle, I decided to attend a Bhuddist meeting. Unfortunately, the Bhuddist meeting was across town at the far end of Oak Park. Nearly in Berwyn! Of course, as I walked across the field it was snowing. A complete blizzard! Almost a whiteout with ankle to knee high snow. This didn’t deter me, in fact quite frankly, even though I was at the point of exhaustion, by the time I was three-quarters of the way there to my destination I continued on. I don’t know how I got back? Common sense would have said to take a bus. Or maybe call for my parents, who at that time were still alive. Instead I walked back tempting death because by that time I was so exhausted that it was a wonder that I got back at all? I’m a very strange man with very strange ideas. And forever have been so! I don’t know what to say about that? It’s just my lot in life. I guess I will continue that to the grave.”
(verse) The steel gray of Winter, all possibilities of out chipped away. The flood of long lost memory, considering all the possibilities that once seemed imminent, never came to flower. How well I recall those slivers of previous moments when I dawdled a propitious amount of time alone with my thoughts. Of how I treasured those moments of happenstance that I collected here and there from instances with family and friends. Of hot chocolate and tomato soup and grilled cheese on a cold Winter’s afternoon. The frost still biting my tongue. Why, oh why do these things disappear only much later to come back to haunt? To beg a tear or chokes one’s resolve with an expression of regret. One can only say, that this is life. And the living of it is often a sad tale.”
(I’m asleep) I walk down an empty long distressed sidewalk in a near to a prosperity abandoned part of town. The walkway located one flight on an expanse below the normal ground level a cluster of sparse dilapidated buildings placed somewhere at the far end. A three story next to shambled towers overhead. It’s enclosed porch shuttered to avoid the escape of any mystery. A man with a dog passes by me and now my progress unexpectedly is forced down into a slow motion crawl. “My God, I wonder, what is happening?” (I’m awake)