“I’ve bored myself stiff!“, as the saying goes. No sense of delicacy of smell to detect anything beyond less than subtle odors. The illusion has become past tense and it leaves me naked to the facts. A bag of wind in a confined place. No seams to exploit to find an escape with. Pronouncement after pronouncement, mostly concentrating some new form of loss. Should I settle into mediocrity? Descend into some quiet space? This prospect of endless mediocrity is killing me!
The world has left me! And I am leaving it. The dubious head space of the virtual mechanical beast shown up for the mortal tool that it has become. A massive sorting device that simply categorizes taste and curiosities. One’s desires too easily deflate by satiation of an animal need to brush up against one’s own. Even if the bump is merely in the mind and not in the higher reality of physical practice. Fate has played its hand too early and too long ago. I see clearly the dilemma that I am enveloped within.
All this talk is far removed from the entity dwelling within. Superficial and superfluous to the daily exterior concerns of the withdrawals of lofty intent to favor the mundane. The convenience of memory interceding like some cavalry troop to defeat commitment. Society seemingly demanding the referential over the innovative. A crushing series of never ending blows to the ego of the individual who would dare Promethium tasks. Potential conversation driven down to the daily talk of the number of shekels to be had. The speaker being the one who is being had. Life beyond can never be measured out in bits and pieces.
I am a carnivore for the facts.
Suddenly! I woke up old. The mirror showing a face defined by creases and wrinkles bemoaning someone unrecognizable past youth. Lost in a sea of old! Old men and old woman from a generation grown old to replace their no longer extent fathers and mothers. Secret conversations held beneath a sheltering cranium existing betwixt the past and a quickly fragmenting present. Between dreaming and a persistent waking material reality. The persistent fragment of all things no longer in force but in a quickly fading state of inevitable dissolution. No type of clown more insufferable than that of an old clown. The pretense of continued youth come to conclusion. A face that I can finally trust to confirm the worst! A fear of being demoted to final irredeemable empty insignificance.
Scaffolds strung on wires hundreds feet in the air of the bare steel columns of a monstrous life sucking skyscraper. Big ungainly things overlarge far beyond the scale of simple humanity challenging the sky like a thousand ghost-like children of the lingering hubris of an ancient Enoch worldwide. Insubstantial support, even for the young! So far to fall back down into the abyss of an earthly folly. So futile to hang on and hope to await rescue which can never come soon enough if at all. Marooned and waylaid in lofty thin air. Abandoned by foolish missteps of dreaming the continuation of an world world and papering it across something new. Then bemoaning this fate to ears that no longer exist! How to be reborn in a few brief seconds struggling arm and leg into the thin empty air?
The absurdity of planning ones demise so as to be in charge of making it happen on command as opposed to an eventually ensuing unexpected happenstance. A self-appointed Archon preserving in his mind the fallacy of the existence of all things past. “Buy my entire life for cash!” And I will simply walk out with only the clothes on my back and valise full of the money. Let the purchaser play the game of discovering the myriad of details that are embodied within. I cannot come to any lasting sense of resolution with them!
The forensic report stated that the subject had fallen off the superstructure of the Remington Center complex at approximately 2:45 AM and had landed upon the street immediately below. His body shattered by a fall of some three hundred feet most apparently landing head first leaving his skull and neck completely disintegrated upon the pavement and killing him instantly.