The night graces the sentiments of all living creatures in terms of illuminating their extremes. The experience of life resting on the edge of the play of all things half lit and half unrevealed. How anyone can maintain a strict and untainted rational view of their own circumstance is beyond any level of normal comprehension. The pillars of one’s sanity carry the heavy burden of a crushing persistent doubt. What will tomorrow bring? Something good? Something that I can handle? Or, will it undermine me in some irrevocable sense of realized helplessness that I cannot escape. Certain facts ring true. We creatures who are aware of our own existence no matter how sheltered or distracted by daily activity know that sooner or later it will all come to an end. The body is vulnerable and its vigor can be breached by a physical injury come of an unexpected accident. Or an unexpected encounter with an act of violence. The unreasoning expression of anger by a stranger. The calculated shift in policy by those entrusted to manage the public trust making unexpected decisions that affect all. Of even worse, the actions of a rival society that decides to sink to a base mentality of a brutal aggressor and create a level of mischief that has no counter force to balance out. The older one is the more it becomes how apparent that you are just as increasingly vulnerable to the machinations from those of your own society as another distant competing one.
What a terrible surprise to encounter a beast in the wild that you sense is weighing the decision if it can tear you apart and eat you or if you might put up a fight that would leave them hurt or killed by virtue the unexpected! The two of you face to face, attempting to make a judgement as to which of the two is the most powerful and dangerous each waiting for that unforeseen instant when one of them commits to an action. Can one enact more damage to the other? Can they run faster or perform maneuvers that their antagonist cannot overcome? How long will this face off continue as instants of time seem passing instant equal to infinities? Then both must be tested in terms of a resolve and a spontaneous reading of the tea leaves of their fate. in terms of which one will have it’s desire fulfilled and how the other suffer shall suffer for it. A hard lesson for those brought up in the illusion of safety being a natural state of being. The confidence one possesses in one’s own powers and the intuition that allows them to succeed being a quality of long hard won experience that, as an essential quality, one cannot afford to lose.
The dimensions of that phantom universe ever expanding into unfathomable immensities as one passes into uncountable days and weeks and years of existence. The burden of making some form of sense of it providing one with their greatest appreciation of just how little that they are. A single speck of dust, if that! A point of individual self-recognition in this universe that is not shared by all the others specks. Some resting on top and some below and all jostling in the perpetual dance of Brownian motion unable to find an absolute sense of peace of mind. Save perhaps for what they imagine must be waiting after they draw their last breath? There is no loneliness that can compare with the one that is experienced when this knowledge is truly brought home by the fact of all things being demonstrably finite. One’s existence in jeopardy of being transformed into a game equally devoted to waiting helplessly while simultaneously attempting to ignore it.
The jungle of the universal unstoppable chaos rending all great ancient empires into minuscule particles that routinely alight upon the surfaces of one’s domicile. Every day we all breathe in the history of the path but must then also be cleansed of it. The ever-present despair of wanting to in the face of this save some crumb of absolute certainty that one can anchor their own sense of lasting presence in this world upon. One then finds themselves in a state of empathy with all competing forces as the need for the assurance of a continued existence to prevail over all is incontrovertible. The courage to continue on each day and every moment despite running out of all good reasons to do so the essence of what it is to be alive.
How then can anyone or anything that they offer as a panacea be taken seriously as a replacement for one’s own resolution to continue the struggle? This is the basis of an unholy power that a mindset of reliable absolutes come of participation within a longstanding society of those that expect security over the unavoidable obvious dangers of simple existence. What passes for omniscience and prowess in fact eventually very quickly being revealed as empty promise. The result leading to a persistent sensation of angst come equally of the anger of frustration and despair. The sense of desperation come from a continued existence of being trapped by the same and unrelieved by even the simplest of animal pleasures too quickly building up to an ultimate crescendo. The house of cards of personal false hopes built on such social compacts that can never be realized bringing down the house!
Is it any wonder that a cornered animal caught in a trap will gnaw away at its own limb? Or equally, a human being caught up in a mindset of having no options against the inevitable will find a pleasant means with which to self destruction. The fatal flaw of societies and individuals being that some power outside themselves can solve their own dilemma! The fallacy that their own efforts as guided by by same over a lifetime in building up a material resources as bulwark against any and all situations a mere fallacy. Though those that made you can shelter you for a time as they struggle to prevail eventually you will eventually be on your own with all the illusions that the mighty pyramid of society will bestow upon you. But you will still realize that you are still utterly naked and helpless. The sole course of action in either case being to continue on despite all.