Somehow, the cards dealt always come out right. Though not always in your favor! You play your hand over the long haul if you want to get a big score going. Not one of those small quick hit and run’s. But something you’ve heaved back in your mind all along. A dare that took about a half a lifetime to build up to. Making all the mistakes in your mind along the way in the meantime. I was one of those guys that couldn’t do anything right. You name it, if there was a set of rocks to be avoided, I’d run the bottom of my boat right up on top of ’em. If there was a tack on the road it ended up stuck in my tire. And if there was a girl that I shouldn’t have, you know that I had to make her mine. Unfortunately for them, it was always the wrong choice. And, unfortunately for me, it was always the bad girls that caught my eye.
The ones I never had any business getting to know. To say more than a, “Howdy do?“, and be on my way. All along the way those one’s I should have hung my hat on, were the ones that I threw that hat away. It was always the bad ones. The ones that were always leading me on. “Just be patient a little bit more.” “Come back tomorrow.” “You just wait a little bit longer Honey!” And I did! And always, as before, I ended up with my hat in my hand and out the door. And yet, for all of it, time after time, I found another hat rack. Another story! Another line to fall hooked, blind, and sinker’d for to believe in. That of course left me hanging just where I started with every other.
The bad girl? What was it about the bad girl that made my blood run hot? My heartbeat a little harder! The trouble was that I was never one of those kinds of guys that could relax. I was always busy going from here to there. And when I got there, there was no time to waste getting back. If only I could have had one point in time to relax? Just fall back, nice and easy, and sink into myself. Take a deep breath and think about just where i was going. And of course, where I’d end up. To realize to begin with that I’d never end up going anywhere. Waking up the next morning always back at the start where I’d began. That was the problem. A curse I couldn’t shake. A monkey that always seemed to want to hitch a ride at the same time. Always expecting to go along with at the sight of the next pretty face without even mentioning that “Howdy do!”
After living so many decades chasing my own tail, I didn’t seem to mind the chaos anymore. In fact, I sort of looked forward to it! One thing always led to another on that staircase leading downhill. Tread, after tread, after tread. It was all yesterday’s newspaper all wrapped up before the first line was even read. I could see my own footprints ahead of me, and it sort of made me feel secure. It always started out like dynamite. One thing after another. One eventual tragedy soon to be solved by another along the road to more nowhere’s. I wanted to kill ’em. Kill ’em all! Kill them from my memory and erase them from my waking consciousness as if they had never been. But somehow they managed to work their way back in to tell me how I was nowhere. And nothing to them. Or, I had to agree, to anyone else.
And so it became an empty life lived alone filled with so many stolen moments int he middle of the night. Something like this one when futility and sheer exhaustion work their magic together to knock me out for another ‘about’. The wife had reserved some movie tickets that I was supposed to pick up. And something happened! I must have left my wallet at home or bothered to do so on time. Something like that? But then it was too late. I couldn’t pick them up. The tickets were stuck. Halfway jammed in the machine looking for a type of verification that I couldn’t provide. So my wife showed up. And well, she was pissed off that we couldn’t get in. Maybe I had lost my wallet, or something like that! But maybe I had left my wallet at my mistress’s. I didn’t know? In any case, my wife was plenty mad.
When I went back to the theater the frontage had changed. They’d supposedly remodeled it back to its former look. Or maybe, they had opted for a new look? I don’t know! Now my wife was gone. Permanently it seemed! Something ironed out. And no one the wiser. I walked in there and saw the two tickets. Both with a sort of rivet stamped within them. And they were still stuck in the machine. I couldn’t get them both out. Just one and not the other. The bar that I sat in just down the street wouldn’t let me hold on to my own socks. The broad on he bar stool just across pulled on the other end from across the bar. No one from this point was going to leave me alone. It was that obvious. A wrinkle that I couldn’t find any way to smooth out. Completely out of “Howdy Do’s!“, enough to go around any further. The last deck left to deal from the shoe now fully emptied.