“You must forgive me for I cannot truly love you without at the same time hating you a little bit. Hating you for you taking me away from myself and offering some random part of yourself in its place. An uneasy bargain. And I, obsessed with the amount of emotional usury that I may ultimately profit by, so much more amoral pleasure taken for the exchange of those intangible but refined goods that my imagination may have given up?”
Attempting to reintegrate into a larger society on its way hellbent from freedom to universal locked down prison. One’s own era incarcerated under the penalty demanding the harshest terms! The world once seemed as if it might one day be my oyster. But now it seems that other one where the chef has run out of seafood just before he gets to you! Left sliding Liberal fantasies powering oft broadcast public role plays that stand in for culturally significant. Big strong male fixations based upon dong biting oral play of cigars. That same old tired cast of humdrum weak-kneed characters bumped in the groin graced with yet another name for it. Suburbia being the new capitol of Fredo.
An unexpected breath of Spring in Autumn attire caught in the sight of bare knee blue jean beauty. The world around it as otherwise, now run out of intellectual breathing room. And perhaps otherwise? I’d do better these days alone and unencumbered by these phantom expectations of long lost youth. Maybe one can still make bargains with them, or even fulfill them? But that is about it! One often might still spontaneously voice their own broken record shortcomings throughout the day? Get caught by the monsters from your ID rambling on mindlessly while forgetfully reciting what they think that they need to do. And what they have not! But then must ultimately surrender to the way that they have always been. Because now it is too late for that old game to change! All the past collapsing down into a tennis ball to nowhere as is all the rapidly disappearing real estate of yesteryear. That which once seemed so solid and eternal, yet now is no longer there to remind anyone still standing of those many golden elder days before family members had gone missing long past.
This portcullis, once stone sturdy and solid against the probes of all outsiders, now breached. Breached as in that former age of knights and kings by some bit of inscrutable knowledge long suppressed. One that states that all who wall themselves up become easily vulnerable to any determined entreaty in the end. No secret locked deep within having safely going unpunished. That greatest fear of being dragged blindly into the light of day with no fit recourse to regain reasonable control of the self. A power of animal attraction that draws one to this Pandora who now is in possession of that long lost key to open your own meager treasure within. But releases terrors beyond one’s imagination as outsourced directly and only to you! Saddled with the burden of concern for someone now worthy above your own skin. A sure way to crash through sharp plate glass while leaving all former boundaries cut to ribbons and bleeding. The too easy victim of a bigger universe that books no fools! Sisyphus left pushing his remaining store of tiny pebbles ever skyward.