Summer equals hot. Hotter than you may like, colder than you can stand. The ritual that all may wish to contemplate. The facade of paraphernalia in surround of the simulation of what you think you’re due. You’re animated, motivated, fired up! You know every thing about everyone else! At least you are supposed to. After all you saw it remote. You believed it because those around your vicinity appear to be convinced. You go through the motions everyday never quite completely convinced at times. Refreshed by the fact that everyone that you encounter outside your own walls doesn’t give it a second thought. Animal desire aside, what is there in it for you? That repressed sense of self that you are expected to suppress in public. Pour it into a convenient role play ritual that aligns with the hierarchy of a distant usefulness. Get caught up in this round robin and lose your essential self. Mistake a collection of useful useless things set up to cover the walls around you and engage in a silent dead conversation with your past impulses. Summon from them times past and the dim recollection of those now long gone that once hung around.
Your body is cold but that little tension lurking inside that never seems to go away always battles with your latency. Is that life? You sometimes have to have someone to detest. Not hate perhaps but be assured that the other fool is a little bit farther off the mark than you. False assurance. No one knows that you are alive anymore, or cares. You starve emotionally encased in a block of gelatin. The old world is passe! You are part of it. Your entire existence barely an instant in geologic time, but too long by the current standards of modern man. Why don’t you die already! Make some room for those that you failed to replace with offspring of your own. After all, you’re the one that failed! And this earth doesn’t need any more failures!
The earth turns on its axis with precision in its offbeat spinning sort of way. Most of the conventional world refers to this as the sun rising. Maybe to get themselves out of bed? “Leve toi!” Lazy cabbages! You would dress and be off if there was a destination to plod off to. But the only destinations that you are aware of are those that you once knew. Not there anymore. So you sit up in your chair wide awake at five. It’s all about energy and you have too much! You are not willing to die no matter how hard they make it! That’s not what you promised your clan. You might not have been much to speak about when you started out? But you’re not going to break your promises now at this late date.It’s up to you because there is no one else left. You’ve turned off the television long ago. The Internet has begun to lose its charm. Everyone no longer speaks as they have little time to spend away from their phones. Where does all that empty time go to?
The weight of your fate diminishing rests heavy upon your shoulders. Where are you going to go when they throw you out of here? Its hard to imagine being homeless? Having no place other than the one that you lost long ago to recall. Move along! One spot is as good as the other in the weeds. Morning always cold, bones always achy, outlook forever grim. That’s what society does to you when you are forced to live on the edge. How much easier to survive a violent rainstorm if the goddamn lightning would just hit you already instead of leaving you just cold wet and shivering on your own. Safely removed from the sight of others whose inevitable ignorance exiled you here in the first place. The most you can hope for is to regain a tiny slice of a roof once you have been properly shorn of your past and re-educated by the prevailing trends of the moment. Maybe if you are lucky you can get a job sweeping the floor somewhere?
Those occasional castles in the clouds come at dawn and lost once again at dusk your home. The home that you dreamed of as a child safe in your mother’s arms. That place where you lay down to finally rest, your armor and shield now too heavy to carry into the field. The cycle of life repeats each morning and each time you are reborn in that instant no matter what your waking reality demands, no matter what your dreams say. The beauty of this world is in your eye alone! Not in the cold implements that surround you even though you put them there by some whim of long ago. You remain the king and creator of this world even though it beats and bats you about daily with an indifferent eye. All the games devised by your rival mannequin others cannot beat that. No one can truly hate you if you can begin to try to love yourself.