So, here we all are. It is the second decade of the twenty-first century and everyone is so damn angry. Women angry at men, Men angry at women. Black skins and brown skins angry at white skins as they have been instructed in school to be. White skins angry at their own and now angry at the black and brown skins as they once were. The amalgam of the same angry at the yellow skins and their far distant equatorial cousins ont he other side of the globe. Everyone angry at someone. It makes the world go around it seems? Some make a livelihood out of fostering it. That seething animosity within all. And it certainly results in a payday for those whose trade is invested in making things to roughly eliminate human life or at least confine it where it can theoretically do no more harm. It used to be called a prison. Now it is called a city. A major metropolitan urban area. They seem to fan the flames but no one ever takes them to task for doing so. They harvest labor and then create scarcity for those that they employ. Should we all hate them too? It seems that it is such wasted energy to hate someone. To have to find a reason to hate someone. Not that you have to fall in love with that someone. But why spend all that time putting useful energy into despising them? Just because a group gets in your way doesn’t mean that they have to be destroyed, There are other ways. But no, it is a question of making a target of them for one’s ceaseless ire. They blocked you! They let you down! They abandoned you! They owed you but didn’t pay back! They grabbed the best part of what little there was and then ran off. It goes on and on and on.
Don’t get me wrong. Nobody here is a Jesus. But nobody owes another a lifetime of constant vengeance either. It goes nowhere, helps no one, makes a fool out the one that engages in it. Because that is what we all are. Fools! Fools to listen to the bile that others coalesce. Fools to sit in front of a flat screen all day and pretend that it has something wise to say. Just plain fools for not engaging our own hesitation to confront that lurking fear of being exposed to everyone else as having an inopportune opinion that would be considered inappropriate. Who says? You have an itch and so you scratch it. You have something to say? It doesn’t have to be pistols at twenty paces or else. It used to be called civility? Taking a risk to keep you emotions from not boiling over and speaking your mind without artifice. Maybe someone’s actions bother you and so you address it. Maybe they have something to say to you and you exhibit a little gumption to give it a reasonable hearing. If one party or the other goes a bit to far you tell them. You don’t have to take everything personal as it is a death match. You don’t have to hide yourself either. If others don’t want to cooperate and play this game well then that is their problem and not yours. You can defend yourself but you don’t have to carry a chip on your shoulder about it ever after. You just take care of business. Forget the ongoing psycho drama! It is just a game for errant fools. Let those who are trying to use these sorts of situations as ready tools to profit from find other groups of suckers to play off for their own miserable gain. It makes better sense than simply falling into their trap again and again.
My neighbor says the election is over and Trump lost. No it doesn’t matter that there seems to be lawsuits flying based upon a land swell of reports of fraudulent practices conducted both during and after the election. Trump lost! Mind you, this is from someone that before this election was amenable to the most hated man in the history of Democratic political opponents. Trump lost! The news said so and end of story. Stupid me, I repeated some of the allegations from Internet sources that I had been keeping tabs on both before and since. Ones with a reach large enough to attract people with verifiable genuine backgrounds of excellence who were not just blowing smoke out their you know where. Some of these individuals presenting detailed cases citing anomalies and verifiable facts, some of which have been incorporated in lawsuits filed over this last week with federal and state courts. But my friend said the news media said Trump lost. And if the media said it, then it must be 100% solid gold truth! Trump lost!
Funny how in the other most dominant sphere of current American life that this same media is unable to see any correlation between (CDC “probable”) Covid case outbreaks that seem to shut everything in the country down come of BLM peaceful protest (urban looting & burn down) marches (earlier in Summer) and of course last Saturday’s nationwide evening celebration of a Biden presidency! No correlation at all with a spike of Covid cases (positive reports based on PCR test data). The media would report it if it was true! But they didn’t and they won’t. If you don’t understand why that might be so as in the case of the former ‘Far Right Wing’ Fox having been brought into line to call the election in what was at the absolute very least a highly unorthodox acceptance of mail in voting being accepted days and a week after this election. Some states still counting! But no, doesn’t matter! Trump lost!
Keep saying that with me! Trump Lost! Trump Lost! Trump Lost!
That old adage vociferously quoted since the end of the Second World War by leaders of our former German adversary stating that if you repeat a lie long enough at some point it becomes truth in the minds of the general population, facts notwithstanding. In fact, as evidenced by the last nine months is is doubtful that a majority of Americans on a level of ninety-five percent or more have not bothered to look at data and standards of evaluation posted on the CDC.gov site. That is the media’s job! Surely someone would say something if they were wrongfully reporting the facts! Forget the fact that the media is composed of organizations owned and actively controlled by multi-billionaires with Left leaning agendas who currently pull divergent opinions from view with out and out blocking and subtle algorithms that send offending opinions to the bottom of the search stack. Sort of like a Poker card mechanic who can put those needful aces either at the bottom, or top, of the deck! Hey, did I say it lately? Trump Lost!
There is another longstanding adage that people get the government that they deserve! Unfortunately, if those that voted for his Satanic majesty, Donald Trump, are not ready to actively stand up to follow through to fight for maintaining the concept of a fair election then be assured that their will be no more Trumps! Or for that matter, no more valid and verifiable elections. The people that are controlling your lives in the executive suite won’t need them!
Trump Lost! Trump Lost! Trump Lost! = Your loss!
Tell us what happened my friend
tell us who won
they’ve covered up the windows
so Democracy has died inside, it’s done
the votes are in, the votes are in
the machines should have worked all night
instead they turned them off each at one
then at five began a four day covert fight
tons of magic ballots arrived from nowhere
postdated bundles via newly bagged express
a sentiment favoring but a single name
the other one deposed to garbage bin duress
Dominion a machine reigning over almost all the states
a convenient vote count glitched, it wasn’t right
its made in China parts set so Liberally within
our madam speaker covertly owns its tithe
talking heads of clowns that airwaves rule
waving arms their flashy graphics fool
four years of bitter rhetoric coming very night
towards that other candidate his name to blight
all our once quiet silent city streets
now propelled verbally and violent up in arms
lurking crews of black clad Marxist fiends
looking for new ways to do our society mortal harm
ravaging the evening in every cities creating fear
manning access within the key central counting posts
keeping away all suspicious supervising prying eyes
certifying a count of their own that comes out the most
the censored airwaves projects to the chosen winners boon
a general mass celebration by finaglers is thrown to soon
the TDS’st joyfully express their contenders declared doom
all verified and sewn up by those sealed stilted counting rooms
this country’s vouchsafed once more to fall into foreign hands
to roll back all citizen’s legal rights to default to Globalist plans
to tax, and spend, by bank, and then demand the mask
so as to steal and bend waning liberty to their demon’s task
majorities oft come, but mostly, the majorities go
the laws of empires they cede deep buried in the flow
deposed by craft and brought down in plain sight
if all those most seriously affected will give up the fight
I wake up. I woke up. That old movie about voodoo and zombies from decades back? My dreams? Those dreams! The kind that are tightly with you on a feeling level. But that you cannot clearly recall the underlying story line to explain just what your part in them had been?
So then, the television awaits. What is going on with that damn election? The one that was in limbo as of last night? The one that you were told by several others that the whole world is awaiting with a figurative degree of bated breath. Will the USA sink into the quicksand of fickle corporate controlled Socialism? Will the much maligned identity of what was once termed the United States of America survive?
What? Are you stupid?
The fix is in. All those believers in a society based upon constructive dialogue and fairness based upon absolute truths had better wake up out of their Cinderella state of narcoleptic consciousness and smell the gruel. Where have you all been the last four years? The last twenty years! This business hasn’t just sprung up out of nowhere? Do you think that the broadcast networks tell you the truth? When was the last time you saw a face on screen that didn’t have their eyes shifted robot-like in a subtle vector towards a teleprompter? You are the rube! The believer in flowery speeches of a system of governing. One that while it once might have existed in the minds of those designated as ‘founding fathers’, really came from the best intended intentions of the most active common folk. The same kind of mental malarkey that your local school board is demanding that be eliminated from your child’s curriculum in favor of the diatribes of Karl Marx and Eldridge Cleaver.
When are you thousands, and thousands, and thousands of deplorable Trump voters going to get it through your heads that you are extinct dinosaurs and get down to business providing endless reparations and insuring equality of outcomes to everyone else from around the world that shows up to get it????
Yeah! Right! Maybe we should all go back to bed and let the whole thing sink in the drink? Or maybe it is time to play that other game where the ends are justified by the other means of those that have not played fair with you? Who knows what power a common cause can summon when those that are stirred by it suddenly lose their ability to recognize color or caste when focused upon a common goal?
But naw! That’s just horseshit! This is the real world and our shit-assed job third rate is too important to lose! Better to shut up and go along and wait for another messiah from television and commerce to come along an save us!
The soap opera goes on . . .
The election of the most attacked public figure in memory stops at nightfall. Curiously just short of declaring a winner in a contest where the opponents have promised to flood the count with provisional ballots. All to elect a doddering old fool too obviously doused in forty-seven years of dirty dealings on a scale that could literally make any normal person sick to their stomach. The ‘trust me‘ fake mass media demands to be considered the final arbiter of the vote totals in a modern world where every trick in the book is not only possible but probable.
Yes! “Let’s wait and see what the morning news will say! ”
But maybe no! No, not because I might happen to be a rabid Trumper.
Not because I have preferred to not turn on my television for more than a few minutes of weather and traffic over the last several years now.
Not because I feel insulted that if the powers of darkness were aligned to metaphorically fuck my ass they might at least have the courtesy to find a candidate that was not so obviously an blatant train wreck.
But, NO! No, because I have spent too many decades sorting out how the exact same sort of shenanigans have been laid out over the myopic eyes of the sheeple at large. Those that want so desperately to have something left to believe in. Something that they would rather die by way of holding on to their fantasy, rather than fight at all costs, even the loss of their own lives, to make their beliefs fact!
“Better to die a hero than live like a slave“, has no meaning to most people who are too comfortable having foreign invaders from another country steal their waning prosperity just as long as they cut their grass every other week. The other adage of “You get the kind of government that you deserve!” come into play. That can be quite easily extrapolated in the coming dissolution of nationalism from ‘government‘ to ‘world‘. When the next round of privation comes around as the current unprecedented one persists some scant few months in the future will those that have so easily gone along and submitted without even a cursory struggle to investigate to find whatever facts were available bleat out their complaints of unfairness?
I imagine that as usual the conversation will turn in a number of months as to how they were fooled by this or that corporate tech state propaganda sanctified collective of baby billionaires in control of their electronic highways and byways will let them. They will roll up their sleeves, stick out their arms, stick out their tongues, bend over and spread ’em. And life will go on as usual but not as prosperous or as pleasant as the month before. Could it be that we as a population are being coaxed towards an abattoir? Another chapter of a successive epidemic? Another war? Or simply a slow incremental progressive elimination through slow psychological collapse? It would be easy for someone, anyone, to plead sour grapes if the outcome of events do not fit their own internal narrative of ‘the way things should be‘!
Yet how long has it been for anyone since there was anything that could be designated as fitting that model of reasonable life? Instead of this continually frightful unstable projection of the world at large at odds withi itself? All based upon an ever mounting fear factor of bad news heaped upon so much worse that is dished out daily by the reigning powers that be that demand total control over our lives? Is there any fight left in civilized man? Is their any amount of altruism in the general female persona that has survived the illusory promise of preeminent power over society? Is their any ability for any of those Balkanized sheltered minorities to break their chains of being an inmate within a coddled state of perpetual enslavement through guaranteed support by local governments? Given the lack of any hue and cry over this long election night?
It is the approach of the first minutes of election day Tuesday as the measure of rest has been temporarily fulfilled like the restless equilibrium of an old perpetual dipping bird. The effigy bringing to mind the general sense of nervous energy shared by many for what events may or may not portend for the coming morrow. Too much disruption of every sort that humans are capable of as individuals and collective entities bonded together by the glue of social group ideologies rests uneasily within that darkened hollow cavernous void of one’s mind. Imagination runs wild with all manner of specious claims. The most central question being will the main event of the collection and counting of votes be a decisive arbitor of public will? Or will it be the initial flash point of uncivil violence by those that would take this society in hand and overrule its rocky legacy of individual freedoms? The waters overseeing prognostication have been as of late too muddied by a collapse of the positive truth by a corporate gerrymandered fifth estate. Too many upon the recent institution of the packet monitored medium of Internet communication have christened themselves as reliable pundits bearing inside information that no one else is in possession nor dares reveal. All from allegedly secret sources whose verification is based on an ongoing game of personality mainly by appearance and the ability to invoke what passes today as a reasonable ability to divine an equally opaque void of the possible chaos that stonily awaits being brought to life. Those militarily minded in their approach to these sorts of watershed events might liken it to the eve of battle? No doubt that there are an extraordinary number of those that now lay sleepless on their backs staring holes in the ceiling wondering how their own part in all this will leave them as the promised clash of events ensues. The possibility of civil unrest quickly spreading into an explosion of fatal violence enacted by those under the spell of constant indoctrination of an ideology intolerant of the mainstream status quo rests Sumo-like upon one’s thoughts. So much has been said and repeated too often that it is impossible to really know how all this will unfold.
Will it be a cynical outcome by those that have so easily become entranced by the undue influence that is the longstanding legacy of their former kin? One that has been built up in recent decades in terms of absorbing unprecedented wealth from the daily toil of common citizens? Or will the balance of power over the direction of society be shifted back down to the discretion of the many whose actions regulated by their own common will will instruct their ‘better’s‘ as to what is a reasonable limit as to what they are willing to tolerate as far as the pursuit of their lives? All the frustration that has been amassed throughout this last year in the ground fog of constant organized incidents of mounting chaos subsequently revealed as planned deceit not speaking well for the outcome. It is hard not to wonder if other more subtle powers of an unseeable universe are at work to remind humankind that they are not almighty by the fact of a lack of possession of the quality of omniscience. Where does a soul expended in the material world end up as a result of a lifetime of inertia of narrow belief. Is the personal appreciation of that area known as Hell merely a point of view as elusive as the ability to conjure its opposite in that tremulous apparition of what is erroneously termed, the ‘real‘ world? The external calm of the darkest hours of the night cannot provide a definitive answer. But the solution does rest individually with all in a decision to reign in their animal passions in this coming day and behave in a manner that those that sired them would properly approve of. That notion of having more to gain by a fair exchange of points of view and the conjuring of ideas that might bring about a positive result something to consider. Those that cannot relinquish a fantasy based lust for violently overpowering the incalculable mass of opinion being advised to beware their own unadvised flirting with their own destruction. There is no way of clearly seeing what the course of events will lead to beyond clearing the useless baggage of specious hearsay away from the soul and acting with that lost appreciation of true dignity in all one’s mortal actions.
In times of national crisis the practice of speech making and moralizing is tossed back and forth over battle lines with self-righteous indignation. The Black Lives Matter powered violent White-Jewish Marxist Antifa directed assault upon regular Americans as committed en masse by African Americans as looters brings to the fore the nature of the internal threat that in so many ways was inevitable. Please be aware I am not speaking of some irreconcilable cultural divide between the ceaselessly mass media advanced political fiction of the have’s and the have-nots or even ‘black’ versus ‘white’. The conflict is so much the same as the fictional man-made irritant ‘virus’ that has been unleashed by the corporate powers of darkness to divide and conquer their consumer audience. The battle is being fought as much on the mass media controlled airwaves that have for twenty-five years enlisted black faces to demean and displace primarily ‘white’ antagonize their viewers. Though the government has certainly been infiltrated by revolutionary Jewish minded Lefties who put their ideological goals above their office in terms of following the body of laws. The mainstream threat is from a hegemonic Zionist influenced world system of subjugating all human existence through a credit based economy. All the many tactics of infiltration and subconscious subjugation are not new and go back to many previous attempts both successful or not in terrorizing other populations over the long throw of history. The phenomena of one’s own mind becoming demoralized especially when one has no strong personal sense of universal beliefs to fall back upon is what defeats a society in the end.
The ancients of all past societies have long been considered barbaric by today’s Utopian notions of civility. Unruly cities not coming in line with a greater empire were given the choice to accede or be sacked with all males subsequently put to the sword and women and children sold off. Genocide and slavery was the general universal penalty for unacceptable aggression’s. Those methods have not disappeared in our own time! They have just found different euphemisms to theatrically clothe themselves within. A divisive style of word game then substituted in place of plain sight approbations of the facts. Basic codes of once universally accepted ethics have been subsumed by a poisonous self-absorbed form of moral relativity. One where the right of self-empowerment gives its practitioner the exuberance of both being an inevitable victim and simultaneously the self-righteous perpetrator capable of any rationalizing any atrocity that they have committed. This sort of mentality institutionally spread by those that covet absolute power by every means of deceit possible. So much so that they constantly brag about it in the movies most recently released as well as other forms of media that glorify it. The ironies abound when one studies the long throw of world history and examines in detail the many careful organized ploys and manipulations that their kind have performed over past centuries. The enlisting of easily vulnerable intermediaries to fight their wars as insurgents while encouraging the rest of the population beset by the same to act in a manner that destroys their own civility not new but a time honored technique that has countless previous examples in many places all over our world from times past. That is why the education of the young has been so completely gerrymandered to eviscerate all positive useful society affirming content in favor of false precepts that only serve to cripple and destabilize.
It may be a crushing blow for many parents to find their offspring have been rigorously indoctrinated in self-destructive ideologies by an public educational system whose only purpose over the last several decades is to do just that. The ceaseless obsessive chase for monetary success above all other goals in life have fractured the age old responsibilities of protecting kith and kin from the overreach of petty tyrants and their ideologically blinded followers who will use a paper thin pretense of morality to break all the rules. America is a society that has been ruthlessly conquered from within by twenty-four seven brainwashing by the efforts of a very small cabal. A group that like a virus have replicated their twisted vision solidly within the minds of those that have been left unattended from birth in the hands of daycare instead of their families. This human virus destroys the nuclear family and uses the inversion of vague notions of that once solid sense of Western Christian morality as a weapon against those whose forefathers were once schooled in same. The battle to prevail does not start in some embattled side street or boulevard set aflame by savage looters. It begins in one’s home where a serious evaluation of one’s own principles as a civil member of society and how they outweigh the twisted notion of a commercial mindset stressing only ‘value’. The first is immutable as in protecting one’s family and home at all costs if necessary. The other one is simply a socially acceptable prescription in how to more conveniently sell one’s self to the enemy with the least trauma. We can see the result of that currently in the business districts of cities and small towns that are now being constantly assaulted by revolutionary insurgents and looters under the pretense of defending a twisted sense of moral right. Those that break the law have no color! They are all twisted individuals who have made their own personal choice to become outlaws. They need to be promptly treated as such with as little mercy given as they themselves have afford their countless victims.
The notion of ‘Race’ has like so many other crippling ideological notions been used as a hammer to destroy the larger civil society. There is no longer a cooperative sense of ‘live and let live‘ but ‘give me all of yours or I will burn it down‘. An inherent sense of stilted self-enfranchisement that now epitomizes the viewpoints of the greater majority of African Americans. The current word game meticulously ignoring that even the word, ‘Slave‘, is in reality from the wholesale capture of millions of white European Slavics by Muslims over hundreds of years of constant aggression. The term ‘Racist‘ being coined around the time of the turn of the nineteenth century by Zionist minded Jewish revolutionaries intent on overturning everything Orthodox Christian in Russia. Many thousands of these incendiary types, themselves recent immigrants to the United States, set loose to return to ravage that country in a viscous bloody revolution that killed millions more than they religiously claim in terms of their own. Events that our own current situation mirrors today! The ideology of Communism as historically directed by primarily Jewish revolutionary types attempting to bend all other cultures to their own vision of a hegemonic sense of a world empire favoring their own. A concept so foreign to the ingrained mindset of what once was our own egalitarian leaning Western societies. Something that even to suggest demonstrates an ingrained sense of heresy instilled by their ceaseless propaganda. The stakes are high whether one wishes to bury themselves in the plush of one’s couch potato watching sports reruns or mindlessly engaging in TDS kaffee klatch Feminist get together’s. The one-two punch of literal life threatening lock downs and civil violence rewriting what might have been a bright future into one of an absolute an unending tyranny. One can prepare to wear the mask signifying obedience to the latter or stand against it. The choice, of course, being ultimately one’s own.
So many people hereabouts have succumbed to a little attack of ‘blackness‘. An affliction that is both dangerous and redeeming in the popular sense in allowing one’s building angst free reign to express the pent up dissatisfaction’s of the day by taking them out on others. Burn relationships, burn cars, and even burn cities by some whim. Those who have been singled out for a change in status and demographic but incredibly do not know it yet? That, “I can steal and beat you but you cannot initiate aggression against me if you feel threatened!“, crowd. And of course, you cannot bring effective toys with you to quickly end that sort of assault. Even if you are protecting your own property! These ‘victims‘ are favored by a privatized mass media base news delivery network that acts as both judge and jury to these sorts of events. They condone by twisting words and abbreviating with clipped video captures. This is handed off the local officials whose mission is to promote the larger agenda of destroying the system in place while playing an expected role that only suggests the opposite. The larger mission is to demoralize and confuse. Which given the egregious nature of the attack on civility it is hard to see how they can accomplish that mission as the situation to most is so damn crystal clear! Yet those who seek safety in the ever more constrictive ‘boarders‘ of those things heartily suggested as normal participate in a manner that leads to the destruction of their families and themselves. Badgered ceaselessly and intimidated by others to be enlisted in a spiteful party line of snitches too willing to supply the mercenary camel kickers and social displacing professional Uncle Schlomo picked African American’s (AKA,. ‘schwarter’s’ to the tribe, or house niggers to their own) set in place to read the teleprompter that instructs them to cast the great shadow of guilt upon any who are caught up in that net.
The disease is termed, ‘blackness‘. But it can have many other names depending upon where it turns up in other cultures respectively around the world. The one defining term applying to all being Marxism. As the author and fellow practitioners all seem to spring from the same bloodline. That being suggested as Hebrew but generally under the generic term Liberal or even in the generic sense of same, Jew. A reference similar to the current ever well televised proposition that within all Germans (AKA., Northern Europeans, AKA., ‘white’) lurks a Nazi! The greatest claim to fame being the annual celebration of the Hollywood’s latest greatest CGI cinematic destruction of one of the most ancient cultures in the world each May. And the historical landmark of the successful badgering of the new world in ensuring the destruction of their own parent cultures centered in Northern Europe. To state this factually in public is of course a big no no! The greater civil penalties of our day have been hammered out of shape to demand a literal pound of flesh from anyone who dares to break this tin pot covenant. Infiltration by deceit and careful behaviors that do not awaken the sleeping herd of sheep always seem to pay off for them in the end. Heady sounding polite terminologies and stacks of degrees conferred by their fellow instigators who have wheedled their way into the most powerful positions in domestic society see to the public being set under guidelines that are not of their own demographic. Rules as always are meant to be broken when the sheep eventually realize that they are sheep. And that mutton is the main dish this coming evening of their own politically dis-assuaged former Gods. The ‘blackness‘ no longer evidently exposed as a reference to skin color so much as the state of mental affliction of all herds under this tribe’s reach. The solution being time honored and direct. Kill the ability of profits to be made by by their monopolistic hegemony’s and follow up with the very real threat and followup with street level based enforcement suggesting that the perpetually blinded sheep have grown eyes and it is time for the parasites within the population to move on to a new host. The very core of the nightmares that this crowd ever attempts to pass off on all they seek to control but in reality are strictly their own.
Let’s play a game. In the end you must play or not. Ultimate rhetoric reminiscent. Does the handy crucifix come position invert-able? The Diavola on stage tonight is part of you. Didactic is the game play. Rationality is the single most important rule. Otherwise just do what the spirit of your choice tells you. Self-absorption. The game is the exchange of power back and forth by way of a singular figure. Actors and movies are based on well thought out lies. Anchored upon extremities which of themselves are subject to interpretation. Animal forms of malevolence that quickly threaten showing merely that it likes to play with its food. You are the food. How does one fight against this part of himself but with a mantra that both loves and hates to support one’s adversary and focus upon it. A ruse of sorts that demands fictional mutual compliance. Committed to a from of raucous laughter signifying ultimate forms of triumphal demonstrations of exceptional consensual play. Reminiscences, coincidences a plenty, all supposedly verifying everything! But what is everything? Beyond one’s ego, talismans, and vagary of charm? The show goes on! Preferring to recall all the bad times as opposed to those diametrically good ones. Disrespect of that power means losing. Duality seems inevitable.
Millions in immediate proximity and yet seemingly no hope of true companionship. But being so long by one’s self? Is it is merely a need that this certain someone never expected to have properly addressed? This prison is a robe I wear about me, Something conveniently self-imposed metaphorically covering my apparent nakedness. A matter of inevitable fact. Not something designed as a ready vehicle of escape with which to seek pity from others. Everyone has there own set of problems. I do not seek to take on those of others. I would prefer to stay with my own set of same. As when was the last time I was truly happy? A cold hard fact at this point in a netherworld of ‘later on in life’. Whatever that could mean? And given the easy answer, what could one possibly amount to?
Certainly not the amassing of capital. That same buy and sell of all things material has to become a daily obsession if anyone is able to properly succeed. At least in this culture. Sleep has been a frequent bandit of dwindling consciousness. Just to sit down in one place instantly puts me in danger of losing awareness. But of what? A general lack of sensation in that general void of ever-looming inertness? This world simply existing. At increasing loggerheads with itself. And getting worse! A psychic storm of ineptitude’s rapidly piling up like cars at a road bend. One where love and life is equally cheap and unavailable. Discounted instead to mindless variations of anger and the sort of torment that it brings one effecting that ability to enjoy anything else but episodes of knee jerk venom. Shaking a fist in empty air in the direction of phantom individuals. People that one has never known,most and probably never will?
Sugar coated existence melting speedily from plywood constructed composites. Trees no longer free of man’s deviousness! But industrially demeaned into chips of fractured wood frozen in byproducts of petroleum . Another bright idea fostered. No evidence of a universal hand directing unruly chaos and the material through rush hour stalls. Nothing beyond empty stone and burning fires. Chemical reactions the only spirit recognized or to become awed by. No inexplicable intelligence evidenced in the common recitation of grand design. Nothing left to bespeak reason, wonder, or grand motives. Just the viewer viewing themselves placing the various elements in random patterns trying to figure out the chess board. The snake in the sky voraciously devouring its tail but getting nowhere.
How much can one ultimately fit within their own maw?
The baby cries out for its own demise! Unwilling to be satiated by those simple pleasures of two ripe nipples? All those long held over-waxed expectations resting too heavy upon the sleepy head at day’s dawning! How one longs for some real longings. Things that deserve one’s full attentions to balance ones existence freely upon the point of a personal scale of an otherwise demented existence. Sticky little demanding fists banging furiously in tandem upon the high chair’s encumbering plastic tray. How could one have ended right back here after so many years? Exactly as first experienced before! Dependent upon the whim of so many other unnamed phantoms that pretend to be of your own kind? Impotent and unreasoning to what you know as a habitually indulged inebriated condition. One of an ever-expectant reliably focused narrow desire! Who has the energy to throw this off and see the world as something completely new?
The clam’s shell is tightly clamped shut. No pearls! Such as they might be known to ever to fall out again. The only thing more inflexible than these times is an Impermeability to criticism from within. Or without! Rejecting angst in favor of maintaining a fiction of no regrets. Faux courage buffed clean by ragged falsehoods. Raw pain from freeze dried terror. Saved in every way possible for later enjoyment. Liberally available on store shelves at a supermarket near you! Be sure to bring your masks and maintain six feet distance from one and another. You among every other one who has lost your God given innocence. You are guilty of the crime of spreading fatality to every other person on earth as a matter of public policy as accepted by science! The social science of crowd control and fear management. Existence now duly circumcised! The pile of used foreskins soon devoured by the faithful as a tribute to that great brazen horned toad God! The self-satisfied smug countenances of managers thinking themselves justified and immortal in all actions. Mission accomplished! The harnessing of mankind transforming them into simple bipeds ever respectful of petty authority.
One ceases to think badly about drinking from the river when all that is left is brackish water dripping infrequently from every emptied faucet. But we are all cannibals! Those who turn away from intimacies in favor of self-serving bacchanals.
For most of his life he was found to be too influenced by the actions of others and the lasting impressions that their near presence seemed to have upon him. The most lasting ones from viewing one of the prolific melodramas that were so easily available at the movies or on TV. How odd to find himself on a city street somewhere in the poorer precincts amidst the urban icons of life long past subtending the fates of those with which he didn’t belong. The small grocery store on the sidewalk lane of a neighborhood now officially dispossessed by the right type of people. White people like himself that once long ago might have lived here now replaced by brown and tan Negro faces. Ones that carried on their lives in a way that for the most part his grandparents had though evidently in shabbier less well-kept surroundings. The two doors to the store standing adjacent to each other the view they offered to several overstocked aisles locked behind several checkout lanes. A spritely sized in stature Negress having left her young charge outside in the planter of the adjacent building for him to mind. Was if a matter of some inherent level of trust that he himself seemed to inspire? Or was it a case of a level of easy going indifference to the fact that her kind felt that his kind had become blindly subservient in some way? That in terms of official station in life though his own kind had been publicly defamed as a matter of some strange sort of historical social justice some down by a sense of Sunday Baptist teachings. Ones that assured everyone that punishment would be swift and terrible if he or his kind dared to deviate from their new sire’s expectations. There before him the curly locked infant stood looking vaguely perplexed sputtering and cooing his eyes not quite signifying that he had temporarily lost his mama.
And there he stood by the curb looking back and forth from the baby to the sight of normal commotion at the back of that mother conducting some elongated business with a clerk. His association with that small family unit having been established for less than a period of a few moments yet evidently self-impressed that it was his duty to watch this infant on behalf of its errant mother as if somehow he was a duly authorized messenger of a benevolent White god. If for no other reason but to prove something to an invisible jury that both he and his kind were innocent of all charges of being prejudiced of all in this neighborhood who evidenced a lack of kindred regard for him. Something that equally made him question his own sanity as an individual.
Another Negress sidled up to him and sat upon a bench to his left sitting primly straight looking forward. Her collection of clothing bespeaking tastes from the eclectic corners of the local Salvation Army thrift store. A had with a cloth inspired floral element that one might have expected in some nineteen-forties cartoon strip surmounting a mass of dour negroid flesh. The expression across it dull and uninterested in any other local universe but her own. Words spoken under her breath portending an imminent conversation that would flower most possibly into one casting her as the perennial victim of him and his kind. The conclusion of which would most likely be the demand for a monetary hand out or equivalent form of tribute on his part. Something of a standard apology for him being there in her world simply standing there.
The absurdity of this logic designed he supposed to make him uncomfortable out of an ever-present threat to his life and limb for the crime of being out of place in this exclusively all black ghetto urban paradise. There was no sort of conversation that could be broken into with her or her kind now resident here that his own family history had seen him as a child not unlike that one before the two of them where his kind had predominated before her kind had pushed them out. No commonality that his kind where they lived now might seek out to build a bridge between the two. Only a silent acid acrimony of its current inhabitants that they had somehow ended up with the shittier end of the stick in the long transition of intervening decades. So much for Civil Rights, he thought to himself? He was their slave as long as he sought to remain in their turf. An African serenade that did not nor never would count him as anything but unequal in their pulpits and their hearts.
It was equally onerous to him that his own storehouse of feelings had nothing in return for them. That lurking sense of ever devious purpose that each of them carried with each over-generous smile. The presence of same that seemed an unconscious unspoken acknowledgment demanded that specified that their portion would always outweigh his own. No common ground of kindred recognition that they were all of one mold. And as such should treat each other with equal respect and love. Something that one found impossible given the circumstances of a wartime mentality that the black community through its enforced solidarity seemed to continuously foster with everyone else as the aggressor and themselves int he role of eternal victims. His own sublimated resentment boiled within.