In my slumber, I had a friend, and we were hobo’s together. We traveled down somewhere to downtown around Lake and State streets at that time when there was still tin fully covering the El train station. But it seemed abandoned where we were hanging out there and wondering where we were going to sleep. That’s when that cop showed up and offered to sell us each a blanket. That encounter left us in a warehouse somewhere else where they were making some really awful crap that was so bad that if one was suddenly awakened and too quickly sat up, your head would end up being in a toxic storm cloud. So then along again to a barn far out in the country where my partner said he was going out because they were making something real, real toxic in there too.
The little bitch stabbed my tire! She and I were rivals attending some sort of meeting or conference together. Or maybe she was a spy? Who the Hell knows! All I knew was, that as far as I was concerned, she could go suck my my dangle, and that was about it! But no! Little things happen and she had to play the clown. So at first, I gave her a little push. Then a sock in the puss for her second big trick of stabbing my tire a second time leaving me with a flat. I was like a cop now, and able to get away with it all. And the exposition went on until she was like a Mata Hari type.
I wonder if the dinosaurs of old, that famous lizard population of yore, had a premonition? One that told them that they were not long for this world? Some sensation deep within eliciting an emotion that foretold that they were first on the endangered species list. That their time was almost about up! IF there were anything that they wished to do to prevent it then it would be better if they just didn’t bother to. Just wait in place like old Queeg Queeg of Moby Dick, the whale fame, for that end to show up.
Many people think that being self-centered has to do with greed. But I will tell you as an only child that has taken his share of hard knocks and perhaps more that it is not an issue of selfish avarice so much as those that you can keep away for the sake of self-survival! A form of security from the outside world. It can’t hurt you when it can’t get to you! In my own case, I guess it works out to be a lonely tower that is impregnable to anyone else’s reach. But how fearful one becomes when they realize that they have unknowingly become another person’s toy! The same old worn out drawbridge of trust trampled over so many times before by dirty feet left fractured and splintered. All one can think about is that smell of the river and what lies beneath. The mortal nature of vulnerability when you feel open to the deeds of all comers. And life becomes a fencing match for which there is no end. I suppose it is all inevitable and there is no way to stop the fear flooding in at the moment of your end in any case? Perhaps that flood will seem more monumental for the sake of having had that dike keeping it back and contained for all those many years?
How is the best way to put it? Those who hold the position of being the most influential in terms of motivating society have made it clear that they don’t like me or my kind! How do I know this? All I have to do is look at the latest visual and audio media of the day to cast their venom to diminish, and demean, and demonize, or flat-out ignore the fact of my presence in society. All this despite my proven skills that suggest a level of respect otherwise. Because no one really gives a shit about me or my kind. Instead, it’s just another generic brown or black face to replace the majority population of the land that I happen to be part of. Kicked out, while they go on trying to normalize every newly discovered minority while pumping even more of them from the outside the borders in to my society. It’s disgusting! I guess that means that there is a war on?
Once someone has finally fought their way past your defenses and stuck the dagger in. Once or twice. And now they’ve gotcha. You can’t run away! You try! But who has another ten year to devote to another artful escape? Like all those previous evades you have thrown away so many times before with others! It’s a heady business to try to forget. No longer and art and certainly a marathon. How far can you go before you’ve gone too far? You sit there looking into that pond trying to see your own reflection. Your own face so that you can once again become reacquainted without that old fool lurking behind it. The one that never seems to want to change. They’re tearing down my world. So I am lost anyways. So what have I got to lose but my comfort zone? SO much for that lifelong security blanket? I might as well burn its remnants because now it’s all gone.