The Ad read, “Editor Wanted!, interested parties wanted for the opportunity of making a feature length movie!”
An opportunity to be part of a movie. The first words looked ‘big‘. Sounded big. And I feeling somewhat over that fatal hill of sixty-five and remembering my former glories once struck in this elusive field reached out and called. Foolish foolish me!
Th ad’s impresario , it turned out, was what was commonly termed in everyday language as a, ‘physically disgusting human being’! A wreck of a man. A big loser! Grossly fat and massively overweight, his overtaxed frame was only barely able to fit within the tent of an unwashed covering of food-stained cotton gym clothes. An outfit that he had obviously held court for too long within. Admittedly in his fifth decade as gleaned from his sparsely defined biography who could be posed as another of so many other otherwise anonymous ‘somebodies‘ that were irretrievably lost at the back of a long list. Ones that had fallen through crevices upon the path through life without the outside world ever knowing. Or for that matter caring enough to give a shit! Another ‘nobody‘ whose life had never matured beyond the level of an adolescent. Yet with no little irony was convinced of the viability of his big dreams! The abode surrounding him was a sad example of how far down that lower rung of depravity had left him. Hidden from street view in what one might have easily surmised was most probably the home of an aged mother. These cramped hatbox urine beset quarters being jammed tight with odds and ends of old discarded examples of distressed furniture rescued from bygone eras. A medical cot partly visible way behind the shadows of an inside glass window partitioned enclosure. Vertical caster based chrome stands dimly replete with trappings of recent suggesting recent medical therapy. Its solitary occupant tottering precariously before me on swollen ankles that might have been easily mistaken for redwood stumps. A sour smelling disparaging quality of life surrendered to the inevitability of a reliably early failure. He had decided that he was going to make a movie. A movie that one could figure after several minutes of conversation only resided within his head. A nebulous ‘something‘ that he was unwilling to share with anyone. Not unless they signed a waiver not to reveal it. What a laugh!
I had traveled for over an hour and a half through rainy unpromising cold weather on public transpiration only to become damp and soaked in waiting for almost forty-five minutes for this rascal to arrive late. All then ultimately to be ushered in to what was, laughably, by his own estimation, “A big movie producer’s abode!” One could not possibly conjure this stuff up from one’s most fertile imagination! Foolish foolish me! So pathetic was this sight before me that despite any initial internal levity that it seemed so hard too suppress within the immediate proximity of this poor creatures that an unexpected degree of charitable empathy seemed equally to be brought forth. A strange impossible quality was evident in this whole experience that was in itself a form of unexpected cinema. He had employed what selfishly guarded art at words he had to share in dangling a plum in his classified advertisement online. Something witty enough to entice fools too wiling like myself into unsuspectingly indulging in afternoon of absolute foolishness. To think back to that previously brief phone conversation of the day before that had predicated undertaking this major ‘faux pas‘ one would have thought a real meeting was planned? One with several other individuals and trusted associates. Ones conveniently not there by the time of my arrival. His tightly guarded scenario quickly revealing through bumbling artifice that they would not be showing up. One, “His cinematographer“, then revealed to be a part time film student hailing from a West Side ghetto. One who had haplessly been shot through the gut. The other remaining nameless by being deposed to some quick greasy thumb play as displayed upon his too long uncleaned smart phone. The former offer of lunch now exposed as being from two neighborhood corner store bags. Something quickly and very judiciously refused. This large ungainly spider, as it turned out by way of subsequent conversation in the business of sequestering interest from a long list of previous others designated as part of that professional entourage making up his crew. Ones that in were also equally taken in by his well-rehearsed spiel of high minded rhetoric. “Everybody has to work together to come up with ideas!“, he chimed repeatedly. This particular current ‘everybody‘ before him wholly unimpressed at this point seeing that he was completely lost about movie making beyond how to do more than simply turn on a television set. His idea, if indeed there really were any, now evidently revealed as pure palimpsest painted over countless plots he had seen televised over the same.
The only thing that could be revealed by the head atop that mountain of pendulous rolls of fat of his was “big talk!” This same talk, talk, talk about how he had devised a script with those other previously hired ‘crew members‘. Big fat joke! Those other ones that had taken off quickly and most wisely to other actual rational opportunities. When asked what he had to show for these interactions in the way of a usable script he haughtily retorted, “That’s your job!” A tremor of revulsion flowing through me at the thought of my ever being so insanely foolish as to take such an invocation seriously. This hobo’s only hint of a substantial offering being his beat up empty pot with the bare rattle of a soap stone idea lost somewhere within inanely begging cabbage and tomatoes and meat. “Fill me up!“, repeatedly its inference. “Fill me up and your ideas so that they might become my own!” HOW STUPID DID HE THINK SO MANY OTHERS INCLUDING MYSELF COULD BE? “That’s something you’ll have to figure out!“, his voice’s booming echo dully repeated over my own persistent incredulity that anyone, even barely on two feet, could possible ever expect to occur? Unfortunately for him, the world did not work that way. “Lost and alone in a world of losers?” The thought came slowly to my mind. “He must be completely clueless and oblivious in this cat piss soaked kingdom?” No way to realize that he along with they were bred to be the same. “No way of being able to forge ahead to escape these delusions.” The only possible chance to move forward to a realm beyond all this inevitably leading though his Internet and phone ministrations. “How pathetic!” The further that this passing generation was removed from such destructive fallacies of those thus hopelessly deranged, the better. A quick excuse rapidly devised to depart this ongoing miasma of veiled threats of, “Losing out on a ‘good thing!“, the better. No more pious claims of a bond of brotherhood offered in, “Future rich rewards!”, to be claimed far down the line. I had played my own curiosity out as to how far down the well this sort of absurd insanity could go. And it could not hit bottom. Now outside and blocks away feeling vulnerable and remembering that former lost world of many decades past when opportunity could once occasionally be found under a rock, I staggered forth in the magnitude of this absurdity. How life has changed!