Carefully over layered business cards trying to make them scan to print friendly. In the early morning hours when one realizes that growing sense of one’s festering condition along with the shortcomings that are beginning to bear down heavily upon one’s physical being. That life has only so many grains of sand to it in any hourglass. Human flesh so impermanent unable to survive far past the cessation of one’s youth. The eventuality of a final dissolution a sure fact. The contemplation of that flesh turning to slowly rot inevitable in one’s future. An inevitability that cannot be ignored. Born anonymous at the beginning and then gone as if never having been. So be it. No longer the better man.
The idea of a cardboard visage of the feminine has abruptly fallen out of favor. At least in my case. The action of satisfying social demands of some agenda unique to the opposite sex has fallen far short in my estimation. That old dusty compass spins as it always has. Which direction this time? The same old question. What lead lined habitual experience will suffice to break those hopes? A headache all the way.
September 4th, 2023
A big bank job diversion in back. A Kurt Russell type collecting innocuous virtues while others work just to work.
Inside a large empty department store building in downtown Chicago when the fire alarm sounds. The first impulse is to hide but if I do that, I wonder if I will burn along with the store?
A movie theater with stairs painted on the ceiling. This barn filled with naked females imprisoned within.
September 6th, 2023
I am tasked with putting on a show at an annual art event at my former loft space. The new owner stands outside in the garden before the entrance and asks me what I intend to do. At a loss for words, I ramble in my attempt to say something intelligible but fail. In y mind is the sight of an old Negro singing, ‘What a Wonderful World‘. I close my eyes harder and the a Jungle explode into a Napalm flash behind Martin Sheen.
I am at the hallway to the school’s lab looking at an old rival collecting accolades as he boasts to a formerly familiar female friend of mine from way back. My impulse is to quickly leave without being detected around the hallway that encloses the oblong room making sure to not be detected as I cross several of its far distant doorways. I exit the building taking with me a memento of old times that I have stolen from within. The walk back to the loft feeling all the way like just another ‘has been’.
September 7th, 2023
Truth or falsity, put your lies etched in stone or put your truth in offspring of subsequent generations.
I went to see her in a self help styled meeting for war vets. Respectfully did I introduce myself to them one by one. Though they initially they took no outward notice. They vied with each other to drive me back to my own home.
September 9th, 2023
A war of spacecrafts was underway far above my head in the sky over main street. It was the end of the week and the town was packed with revelers who were seeking out the various dinner spots. Many had come to eat at one of the many franchise restaurants that lined both sides of the street. One of the tiny silver fire flies swirling madly far above suddenly fell to earth tumbling into the midst of this throng coming to rest upside down. Its pilot’s head popping off and rolling before my date’s eating establishment. Her father appeared with a strange device that allowed him to remount the severed appendage back upon the space traveler’s neck. Though groggy the female space jockey now restored. A conversation ensued within which this traveler remarked how this was the first time she was given the opportunity to fire her laser pistols.
September 10th, 2023
If you are going to buy the boat then make sure you have a pier with which to moor it to!
September 11th, 2023
She had been a student in my film class. She had produced a low tech feature film while there. I helped to obtain a more professional film society which promoted her work to make her ‘somebody’. She eventually becoming an important name in the International film community.
Point of view and a proper amount of perspective supposedly making up for the ‘whole’.
To my shock I woke up to find that I had moved back to Chicago to live with my formerly deceased parents. Now somehow both alive again? Back in another suburb in a four story building not far from the original that I had long ago left. They were both old and seemingly not long for the world. And as such I quietly promised myself I would return back to where I had ended up yet wondering if that was still possible before this dream? Awakening to once again find myself totally alone.
September 15th, 2023
I went to a gallery show full of plenty of ice cream wondering if I would run into an old patron?
I had a urge out of nowhere to travel downtown by car to buy a model kit. As I approached my car a female stranger asked me if she could bum a ride with me. Reluctantly I took her along with but when I saw another shop along the way dropped her off and went around the corner to park. I entered the building from the back entrance hoping that I would not be seen by the woman. The insurance agency that I found myself unexpectedly traversing through was completely staffed by others significantly older than myself. I then recalled that the big sign above the entrance on the other street had mentioned a variety of services offered.
September 16th, 2023
I always root for the underdog no matter the cost might be to me. Ass kissers always get good opportunities to ruin their own better virtues.
In accord with its owner trying to save face an impression of a Native American that was bathing in a basin of swirling ware. The base of this fountain formerly a public park drinking fountain.
The teacher’s nightmare of two classes scheduled for the same hours both sessions overlapping. One of the students enrolled leaving one before I could start my lecturing.
September 18th, 2023
The wisdom of the Jew. Be a Goyim and stop honoring your success. Fuck your sows! Don’t make ambitious children in the mold of ones ‘From the Terrace”! That fifties Jewish matinee idol always troublesome and never getting along with opportunities handed to him. Shitting on the old time Protestant Middle Class for the sake of keeping alive old memories of the Stetl.
The power of ‘The Word’. And one’s deep attachment to their own belief as the only fit definition of what one’s ego says should be ‘human’. A lexicon of obscure holy words that form an encyclopedia of hidden experiences. Something easily accessible to other super egos requisite for handling any difficult situation.
You can cop to the crime but there is always a way to let you off the hook!
September 19th, 2023
Busily rewiring a new piece of real estate in a house long away from its roots as a set of three units. Erasing the structural mistakes of the short lived family that had briefly flourished but then died out.
The plucky canvas of a war game where all participants are females are posing as rugged men.
Awakening on an ocean liner with a pistol on my bed. Unable to understand how I might have gotten this kind of contraband on board. The staff knocking on the door asking to come in.
I traveled downtown at the behest of my German friend into an area that seemed a cacophony of famous building all run together at the juncture of three streets. Finally broke and now hungry I returned back to his family restaurant all painted red inside. The family unwilling to spot me a meal on credit.
Forms to fill out and deliver but now addresses provided in terms where to send them to.
September 22nd, 2023
My past habits tinged with the inevitability of leading me ever closer to imminent death. All the great leaders have another side that reveals them to be full of shit. To lead others to get things done one needs to have the citizens believe in them blindly.
A misplaced life. Following after half-spent illusions of a flickering world that no longer exists. Ideas that no longer have devoted followers. This misapprehension of reality brought on with the cinematic grace of commercial role models that one can replaceably mistake for their own. A new one found on a daily basis. Fancies found far away from real events that bare the foul aromas of real truth. Taking momentary delight in imagining one’s self infallibly triumphant in past times now far gone.
How one’s life might have been if they had lived unfettered by any of it and thus might have trully called this existence my own?
In a small European styled grocery store stealing a big piece of pizza and running out of the front entrance. Running back to my own family business located in that same small mall and discovering that the roof has caught fire. Instead of immediately contacting the fire department letting it burn until the absolutely last moment. Denying that both I and my mother might burn to death as a result. Do I feel guilty? Why?
September 23rd, 2023
The illusion that mortal existence goes on indefinitely despite. Now, less than a decade left and when will I find a soulmate? What a fool I am!
What is the matter with someone who sacrificed their sperm to empty demons before hapless videos? All due to a life of uninterrupted boredom brought on by too much common sense to stick my neck out and let it get chopped off. Being alive has its ups and downs also before a computer screen. AS you get older the latter moves numerically superior to the former and one begins to wearily invite and accelerated timetable.
September 24th, 2023